was thinking for a while and think it wasn't her fualt i was my insecurity that make mi think that way .... but if she were to call mi after i book out i will be damm happy but i see no call or sms coming in .. its was pissing maybe i miss her too much and wanted to see her striaght away but she cannot meet damm sad and piss, i was like haiz wth sian sia nvm la cos she sick ba .... but after coming back i hear her say don know whether i wanna go ktv anot fucking piss mi off sick can go ktv but cannot see mi ,the mi she didn't see for a week and mi who very much wanna see her .... totally piss and disappointed suddenly felt so down down and beneath, worthless piece of shit step by mani pple that the feeling ...... got angry with her and argument and cold war .....i freaking hate it sat down on my chair i start to think that i shouldn't be doing this i should solve my problems and stopping being insecure and say sorry and she realli mean alot to mi but fuck i call so mani fucking times more than 10 times so freaking fucking pisssssssssssed pisssssssssed fuck shit chee bye ..... don wanna pick my calls ..... nvm when finally pick my call and get to know she going ktv with fren and her fren at the background laughing away and enjoying is the best plan situation she done it all prefectly set up man, trying to spite mi u won ok totally got into mi .... i'm so freakingly disappointed almost cry but i will not cry not for this kind of shit .... fuck myself for being a worthless piece of shit

Hey Anon thankz for the comment ... its a true and sincere ... anyway our problem is solve ;P

I still couldn''t sleep .... i'm too bother abt the conversation i had with her just now .... my heart is aching for her and myself ... i'm a lousy bf i couldn't stand her fucking good guy fren ZHENLONG as important to her ... maybe i am selfish and too sensitive or maybe i am realli not as important as him .... she love him so much that even he is a bastard now she still wouldn't give him up .... i'm superly jealous he did so much wrong thing to her say all the hurtful words to her and he is still her important person if i ever do those things i would have been the person she hate most i think haha its so funny i must be a lousy person ba ....... how i hope she could lie to mi just now and just say i'm the most important not him or anyone .. i wanted to tell her "lie to mi make mi love u more or speak the truth and lose mi" but i couldn't say those words out cos i know if i would to say that i will lose her .. maybe our time together is too little too shallow causing so mani quarrels in such short time or maybe i am full of faults too mani things to pick on .... what can be worst in relationship when yr bf is not the most important guy in yr life and can be even worst that the guy doesn't doesn't even care for u now be more important than yr bf who care for u ....... don say i am equally important to u cos i'm not i can see i can feel others can see and feel too and u know it yrself too ..... or maybe i'm wrong maybe too make myself happier a bit maybe i EQUALLY important to him ..... Sorry i am selfish i wan her totally mine ..... maybe i should be nice to myself i shall act ignorant be a nice bf saying oh its alrit baby i can take it i'm perfectly ok u don't have to care abt my feelings i don't have feelings ..... i'm getting angrier and sadder i have to run ..............................................                     

Today finally can sleep till very shoik. yesterday somemore can meet up with K BOYZ crew waaa. we like so damm long nv all meet up together liao sitting in coffee bean drinking creamy coffee enjoying fren's company its life man... anyway we tok alot yesterday but all mainly army topics almost all the way man ......ghost stories in camps that freak mi out abit and all the disgusting part no bathing and stuffs ... then cher wee finally came down and our topic change to shitting haha we were so excited we tok so damm loud and pple around starts looking at us......i realised we K BOYZ realli got shitting problems ... cher wee can only squats and he squats on toliet bowl to shit waa lau then his classmate took photo of him shitting and pass around his school and he became 'the boy that shit squating on toliet bowl' damm pai seh sia and the photo was pass around in msn haha ... then to ling feng about how fast he shits its like less than a min ba i think 40 sec is enough for him 5sec pants down 25sec shit 5sec wipe 5sec wear pants haha so amazing rit i wipe butt need 40 sec liao .... so amazing raymond actually saw ling feng shitting and experience the amazing shitting stunt haha .... then down to bertram ... he has to shit taking shoes off and pants and boxers all out haha waaa lau take all out shit come out liao lor haha ... then down to mi .... i cannot squat haha i squat willl fall backward so if i shit squating its will be disastrous haha ..... shit army i will die shitting one siao liao la....... then suddenly we came down to this most special topic to "SHIT AND URINE at the same time , izzit possible ???"... well i can do it u guyz can it  haha so its possible so easy just relax all muscle then spread out the strenght and give it a push la wahahhahahaahaha .............. shit i sound like shitting guru liao hahaha

Today damm sian sleep for so long still cannot recover wanna do my work but couldn't do cos see 3D i sian liao ....... today dear went for club make mi feel like clubbing too but i couldn't ,works make mi can't club but anyway i also don't have money still gotta borrow money from mom to buy domain and stuffs wat a unfilial son i am so old liao still can't support myself these days i had to spent time and money so carefully i feel sick abt it ..... wish i go army faster so i can rest my mind and build up my body and also save up money from there hahaha ...... i'm starting to worry for my future also seem like i haven learn much to go out the working world yet this is pathetic man ...... luckily i still have my dear to hug to make mi feel better :P ..... recently she have been quite sick which make mi worried .... she couldn't recover from her cough she needs to sleep more and stop getting sad and depress abt some stuffs ...... actually seeing her in such sickly condition i should have stop her from going to clubs but i think she needs it also "numb" herself .... but i think i think its not good la numb yrself is not good u know dear thats not the way to destress haha but if it realli could just go ahead but not to drink too much arrrrr ... hopes everything get better for her and for me :D

Waaaa almost 3days no sleep liao now superly blur ........ yesterday night was a siong night man stayed in school overnight for the minor project but it was quite enjoyable also with all the guyz there toking crap and doing work eating and doing work, strssing and doing work hahaha........it was a very sweet night also Dear dear finished clubbing wanna buy food for us actually for Me ba hhahaha so sweet Muack Muack dear thankz ..... i waited for dear at the smoking bridge gate then telecom suddenly "hey wat u doing here !!! " shocked mi for a while then i reply do project Blk M (school of design) then he stop asking liao must have been too often liao design student hanging in school during that hour of time ...... then dear dear reach liao realli felt soooooo gan dong but too tired to show liao hahaha ......but although very tired i can still taste the sweetest Nasi lemak dear bought for mi mmmm taste so nice and warm   (|:D)